How to Use the Enneagram in Relationships
Of the many personality inventories born out of personality psychology, one of the most profound and applicable is the Enneagram. Learning what the Enneagram is and what it helps reveal about you and your personality can benefit your romantic, platonic, and professional partnerships. Using the Enneagram in relationships can help you better understand the other person’s viewpoints and lived experience. It can even inspire you to be more present, open-minded, and collaborative.
Learn more about the Enneagram and ways to apply it to develop more compassionate relationships with others and ourselves at Resilience Counseling in Akron, Ohio.
Doing a little self-exploration and some self-reflection is never a bad thing. It can benefit you and your relationships to pay attention to what’s going on in your internal world. Maybe you’re engaging in self-reflection as a part of therapy. For self-improvement. Because you’re curious. Or just because. Many people who begin the journey of self- discovery will start by exploring their personality (and the many tools we have to put words to it). One of the most popular ways to dig deep into one’s personality is to take the online version of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)—perhaps the most known and widely used personality inventory. Others factor in the findings of the Big Five Assessment, Hogan Assessments, and CliftonStrengths, to help understand themselves. But have you heard of the Enneagram?
Enneagram: What is It?
The Enneagram personality typing system helps us see patterns in how people interpret the world around them and manage their emotions. It gives us insight into ourselves, measuring the core motivations driving the subconscious behaviors of individuals of each personality type. It describes nine distinct personality types that help explain our primary motivations, drives, and fears. And it delves into how each type relates to one another.
The nine personality types are each defined by a unique core belief regarding how the world works. The core belief for each personality type drives individuals’ deepest motivations and fears. It’s a fundamental aspect of a person’s worldview and the perspective from which they look at the world and its people. The following are the nine types:
The Reformer. This person is a rational and idealistic type. They’re self-controlled, principled, purposeful, yet perfectionistic.
The Helper. This individual is a caring and interpersonal type. They’re generous and demonstrative yet possessive and people-pleasing.
The Achiever. The achiever is success-oriented. They’re driven and adaptive yet image-conscious.
The Individualist. A sensitive, withdrawn type of person. The individualist is expressive and dramatic yet temperamental and self-absorbed.
The Investigator. An intense, cerebral type of person. The investigator is innovative, perceptive, secretive, and isolated.
The Loyalist. Loyalists are committed. They’re the security-oriented type, responsible and engaging yet suspicious and anxious.
The Enthusiast. Enthusiasts are busy and fun-loving. They’re versatile and spontaneous yet scattered and distractible.
The Challenger. The challenger is the dominating, powerful type. This individual is self-confident, willful, decisive, and confrontational.
The Peacemaker. This is the easygoing type. The peacemaker is reassuring, receptive, and agreeable, yet complacent.
Is the Enneagram a Tool for Personal Development?
It is, but it’s so much more! Recently, many people have begun exploring beyond their personal enneagram type to also determine how their relationships are impacted by the unique type combination. It’s worth noting, though, the Enneagram speaks to relationships that aren’t just romantic! Enneagram types can impact romantic, platonic, familial, and professional relationships! In other words, the Enneagram’s effect on relationship pairings can impact your social life.
What Can We Learn from the Enneagram?
The Enneagram helps us see that our core beliefs aren’t everyone’s. Our core belief is crucial to us and influences our perceptions, but it’s not the only valid perspective. The easy-to-understand language surrounding the enneagram provides a foundation for learning more about and understanding other people. Knowing more about our personalities and enneagram’s influence on our relationships can help us broaden our perspectives and more effectively handle situations as they occur.
We learned that a person’s enneagram type’s core beliefs consistently impact and guide their decision-making and action-taking. Understanding a person’s enneagram type can essentially help us make more sense of why contradictions happen. It can help us understand people’s stress responses, considering how each enneagram type adapts and responds to stressful and nonstressful events differently.
If you’re curious to learn more about how the Enneagram affects your relationships and want to develop a shared language to be able to talk about core fears, frustrations, and needs in the relationship, consider reaching out to a therapist. Through working with a therapist at Resilience Counseling in Akron, Ohio, you can learn enhanced interpersonal skills that can help you improve and make the most of your relationships.
Applying Enneagram to Your Social Life
Think of the Enneagram as a tool that reminds us that we all see and experience the world differently. It can expand our idea of humanity, inviting us to grow in ourselves and encouraging us to gain a better, more open-minded understanding of others. In individual or relationship therapy in Akron, Ohio, clients learn how to engage in social relationships as their most authentic selves and celebrate and respect when others do the same. Using the enneagram in your relationships can empower you to:
Be more compassionate to others. The Enneagram can foster greater understanding between you and your partner, family member, friend, or colleague. With more understanding comes greater compassion and empathy. As you and the other person learn more about yourselves and each other in terms of your enneagram types, it can become easier to put your frustrations aside and respect each other’s thought processes, approaches to life, and other differences.
Communicate more effectively. More understanding and compassion can improve communication and even conflict in your home or the workplace. You and the other person will feel free and safe enough to express your needs and wants. And you’ll be able to do so in a way that alleviates the triggers around each other’s core desires and fears. You’ll be able to respectfully build and communicate boundaries in every facet of your relationship, as encouraged by your therapist.
Celebrate each other more. Don’t think the enneagram is just a tool for mirroring your faults to you and forcing you to improve yourself. It’s also just as effective at reminding you of your best qualities. It makes you aware of the positive, unique, and lovely ways your personality is essential to your romantic, familial, platonic, and professional relationships. Realizing this and seeing the goodness in each other’s personalities, couples, friends, and colleagues can encourage each other to keep being who they were made to be.
Develop a Well-Balanced Foundation for Your Relationship through Counseling in Akron, Ohio
At Resilience Counseling in Akron, Ohio, we don’t believe that relationship therapy is just for when you’re facing crises or experiencing frustration. We encourage clients to recognize, talk about, and celebrate what works well in partnerships. Using the Enneagram and learning more about yourself and each other can be the foundation and framework you need to advocate for your needs and beliefs effectively and respectfully. Reach out to us at Resilience Counseling today to explore your personality and how it influences your relationships. Learn how to experience more profound, enhanced connections and thrive together.